In an unexpected turn of events, FIDE have hired a team of top MIT quantum physicists and philosophers to settle the infamous 2020 Candidates scandal in an unexpected way: thought experiments and philosophical heavy machinery. The scandal, of course, refers to the withdrawal of Teimour Radjabov from, and eventual suspension of, the FIDE Candidates Tournament, to determine the challenger of Norwegian titled player Magnus Carlsen.

“Just as Schrodinger’s cat can be both dead and alive at the same time (until it is observed), Radjabov can be both a participant and a non-participant the Candidates tournament. We simply have to take extra care not to observe or interact with him in anyway–this includes eye contact and any form of communication,” said the team in a recent press release.

Others claim that this move is of a more petty nature. “This is just ghosting and silent treatment,” Ornstein writes. “FIDE is acting like a catty ex”

Disclaimer: satirical article